she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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