We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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