For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
