They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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