ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize