dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
