remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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