I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
