Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
