it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
