just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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