Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
