her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
