Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
need another drink. this is the easiest way
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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