K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
