He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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