When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize