The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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