I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
