this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
