True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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