i used baking grease as lip gloss
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
