I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
