I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
