Yo dont text me then not text me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
