dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
