Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
