he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
