I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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