There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
