Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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