its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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