She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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