My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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