the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize