If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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