i think my tv is drunk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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