and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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