only if we run a train.
done.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
