I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
