Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
