Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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