He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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