in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
