hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
