Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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