The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
