You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
