The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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