Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
