Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize