I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
