rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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