i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
