Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and she was petting her beer can
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
