Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
