woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
