So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
