I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
