I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just had sex on a roof
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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