I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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