I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
