You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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