No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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