hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize